What I Always Wanted
by LostInTheDreams
Summary: Hakuba has gotten just what he always wanted, so why isn't he happy? When is a game no longer a game and when is an enemy no longer an enemy? Never, because it never was a game and he was never an enemy. *lots of H&K angst. No pairing*


**Not a continuation of "What He Always expected" **The titles just came out similarly. I can't think of a better one and I really  
don't like to change it

There is no Aoko in this, just a lot of Hakuba and Kaito and a lot of angst. No idea why but I felt like writing this in the wee hours of the morning (meaning from midnight to about... I don't know, the sun's been up for a while :) ) I think it's a pretty good story if your in the mood for something dark and sad, otherwise, skip it and go to one of my more 'happy' ones ^_^

**(*Okay, have to put a note here. FF apparently won't let me use the "greater than" sign here, so my arrow looks like a face. Sorry about that)**

* * *

**What I Always Wanted**

* * *

_I like to pretend that everything's alright. Because when everybody else thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not. - Unknown_

**...**

**...**

**_Game Over. You Lose._**

_=/ Try Again? _

_Give up?_

Hakuba put down the controller. He was sick of this game already. The tactics were above par, which he engrossed himself in, but the difficulty lie in getting the timing right, which he could never seem to do. Hakuba had never been fond of fighting games, but where strategy was involved, he could accept them. The ending screen was what really bothered him, and he had no idea why.

Try again? When had life ever given you the option to 'try again'? He had died in the game. That should have been where it ended. You don't come back to life once someone has stabbed you and your character cartoonishly bleeds to death. That's it. Game over. There is no 'try again' and if there were, there shouldn't be.

Hakuba couldn't help the tears that slid silently down his face. There was no one but the TV screen and it's ludicrous message to see it. There was no 'try again' in life. It was time that games stopped giving away the false hope that, once you've killed something, it had a way of coming back to you. Nothing worked that way, not life, and certainly not people.

**...**

"Come on, Aoko! Jeez, you're so slow!" Kaito dashed off from the group. Hakuba watched on, one eyebrow raised in wonder at where the magician found his energy. He had almost skipped out on the field trip. Kid's heist the previous night had kept him and the police up through most of the night, searching for the thief after an apparent bullet had shot him out of the sky. This wasn't the first time it had happened, and Hakuba had a feeling it wouldn't be the last. He had come in today simply to make sure that Kaito was still where he was supposed to be. Alive.

"Hey Hakuba-kun, I know Kid got away, but that shouldn't keep you from having fun."

Kaito's muse was at his side. Hakuba couldn't help smiling at the fact that she cared to wonder what was wrong with him. It may have been an incorrect assumption to his mood, but it was care, and not many of his classmates had shown any interest in him. Aoko was a wonderful girl.

"It's not that. I'm tired is all. I didn't get much sleep. You'd better hurry after him or Kuroba-kun might find himself fit to get into trouble while we're out here." Hakuba didn't care much for her company when he could barely keep his eyes open. They were hiking through the mountains and it was hard enough to concentrate. Kaito already had a laugh for two, as he had tripped over more than one branch in his stupor.

"It's alright. No matter where we are, Kaito can find a way to get himself into trouble." Aoko looked worried though. Hakuba envied the magician that care another person felt towards him, someone that didn't have to use the the ties of family for a reason to talk to you. There weren't that many people out there who he could feel comfortable around, mainly the reason he had taken to detective work. You didn't need a partner to get the job done, you simply needed your own intelligence and a decent amount of respect. As long as he didn't act five years younger than he was, like Kaito did, he'd be fine. "I think I'll go find him."

Hakuba watched her run up through the trees. Most of the group had already passed him up with his slow pace, so he was left with the stragglers who would have liked to stay home that day, but had no real excuse to do so.

He stopped, leaning against one of the trees. He was so tired. His worry over last night had kept long into the early morning, not allowing him to sleep. If he weren't so shy about the matter, he would have gone over to Kaito's house and knocked on the door until he got an answer.

"Come on, hurry up! We're almost there," one of his classmates muttered as they brushed by him. Hakuba could hear the amusement but he didn't care much at how he appeared, or more accurately, he was too tired to care. He'd gotten up most of the mountain. He could easily turn around now and not bother with what the others would say behind his back.

But even dead tired, he did care about gossip flying around school. Hakuba sighed, pushing his weight off the tree. There wasn't that much farther. The mountain's paths were wide enough that his uneven footsteps didn't matter a great deal. There were trees every few feet that he could lean on for support.

He should have been watching his surrounding more, now that he didn't have the group to follow, and his excuse for not doing so remained the same. He was too tired. Too tired to see that there were cliffs along the mountain side, like there should have been, and that said cliffs tended to be steep. Too tired to notice when one of his shoes didn't sit right on the soil.

Everything happened so quickly that he couldn't process it. One moment he was walking the path in a daze, the next moment he was wide awake and looking down at the ground far below his feet.

"Hakuba-kun, you idiot."

There was a voice. Hakuba looked up, more interested on what something cold and wet running down from something clamped around his arm was, than who was speaking to him. It was blood. The blood took his full attention as he ignored his dire situation.

"You know, you could at least _try_ to get yourself up. I can't lift you by myself."

"Kuroba-kun." Hakuba stared up at the magician, seeing him for the first time. "What happened?"

"You fell, you idiot. If you don't hurry up and grab something, I'm gonna lose my grip." At Kaito's words, Hakuba felt the slick fingers drop several millimeters and the magician's hand start to shake.

Hakuba realized that whatever questions he had to ask, better to ask them as he wasn't rolling down the side of the mountain until something got in his path. He reached up and grabbed onto the grass, feeling it try to give as his fingers pulled it to it's limit. Kaito was able to get his other hand on Hakuba's sleeve after he got farther up, and both lay panting, disquieted at what had almost just happened.

"Thank you."

"No problem. You're lucky Aoko was worried about you or I wouldn't have come back."

"You're bleeding." Hakuba wiped the trickled that had dripped onto his hand off on the grass. Kaito's shirt was stained from his shoulder down.

"Yeah, must have cut myself on a branch."

"Kuroba-kun," Hakuba laughed. "That's a terrible lie. You're shirts not even ripped."

"It will be." Kaito stood up, blue eyes shining with worry. "You'd better hurry up and get off the mountain. I don't want you falling again."

"Wait!" Kaito took off faster than Hakuba could get to his feet. The detective cursed to himself, but allowed a small smile to come to his lips. A bullet wound. He was sure that's what it was. If Kaito had such an obvious injury there were ways to prove it. The only trouble was connecting it to Kid. Kaito keeping it a secret could be masked under a million lies that he knew the magician could come up with in a heartbeat. Kid couldn't lie so easily. A plan was already forming in his head and he had it finalized before he realized that he'd already made it back down the mountain.

**...**

Kid's heist started in less than ten minutes. Hakuba balanced his weapon expertly in his hand. He hadn't had much experience with the ammo he was using, but he was a great shot. His father had him practicing since he was old enough to be taken to a firing range.

"Be careful with that Hakuba-kun. I don't want to taking someone's eye out." The Inspector passed him by, glowering at the BB-gun in his hand. It, technically, wasn't a gun so he was free to use it when capturing the thief. He'd assure Nakamori-keibu that he would only need to use one bullet. It was a great plan and one he was sure would work.

Kid appeared on time in a flourish of smoke, grinning down from his perch on a windowsill behind the officers. How he'd gotten there, Hakuba wasn't sure. They were in a four-story mansion, on the top floor, and there were dozens of officers under the window.

"Kid!"

Hakuba let the scene play out as he'd seen it happen dozens of times already. Kid wasn't one to make things easy, on the officers or on himself. There was a lot of smoke and dancing around before the thief made it to his objective. It was at that point that Hakuba stepped from behind the curtain of an adjacent window.

Kid barely even gave him a glance, the thief turned back only after his brain must have told him that Hakuba was holding a weapon. The ammo of which, while it wouldn't pierce the skin, hurt like hell at close distances. He fired where he'd seen Kaito's injury from last week's trip.

The thief stopped in his tracks, long enough for Nakamori to tackle him to the ground. Hakuba couldn't help but feel satisfied. A part of him was worried that he'd been wrong, that Kaito really wasn't Kid and all his grumbling about being misjudged was the truth. The blood that stained Kid's white clothing was enough that the smile was a full out grin by the time he made his way over to the struggled.

"I knew it was you."

Kid's blue eyes, eyes that could never be mistaken for anyone's but Kaito's, glared up at him. The pain there wasn't from the injury, wasn't even from Hakuba using something like physical weakness against him. The detective saw something much deeper than that and all the hypotheses he'd come up with for Kaito's reasons for being Kid came back to him. It wasn't unheard of for a son to take up a father's position. He'd known the magician's father died in a accident, later finding out there were mysterious circumstances involved. It was much more likely for him to have been Kid before Kaito, because someone had to be, and the magician had no other older acquaintances besides his father. The hurt, then, was most likely traced back to where it started. What part of the journey it was aimed at, Hakuba couldn't guess, nor did he have time to as smoke engulfed all of them and he had to step away, coughing, or suffocate.

"Kid!" He wasn't going to be stopped, not when he was so close to catching him. Hakuba dove into the smoke, following the sound of footsteps just ahead of him. He almost went head first down the stairs before he saw they were there. Ignoring his spike of fear, he used the energy to race after the thief, hearing as he closed in on him.

Outside, the world was dark. Any color it may have held was leached out by the overhanging clouds that erased the moon and stars. Anyone would have had cover to take up on this dark night, but Kid stood out like a flare, running down the street. Hakuba knew this was where his chance lay. There wasn't enough wind tonight for the hang glider to be of any use so it came down to footwork, one teenager against another.

Kid may have had the speed, but Hakuba has the stamina. He was able to keep up with the thief, who, while a good athlete, was running on adrenaline that wore the body down fast. Kid was never far enough away to use any of his tricks to escape. A smoke bomb did nothing but gain Hakuba a few feet closer.

The detective had never run for so long in his life. Even stamina could only be taken so far when you were sprinting. They'd been at it for over fifteen minutes and he started to get to the point where, even if he was able to catch up to him, he wouldn't have the energy to do much more.

Turning what had to be the umpteenth corner, Hakuba realized how close he was. A few more steps and he'd be able to grab Kid's cape. Ignoring that, Hakuba pushed himself further, knowing his prize was within reach. The cape could be unattached, so instead he went for the method the Inspector had used. He tackled him.

Kid didn't land nicely and Hakuba was almost thrown over him at the sudden stop in momentum. All he knew was he'd unintentionally thrown Kid's head into the pavement when he'd moved to stop himself from being hurt, his other hand wrapped around Kid's chest so that he couldn't escape, currently trapping Kid, and his arm, underneath him.

Hakuba was too out of breath to do anything with his excitement. There were cuffs at his side and he had them out, seeing them shake as the energy rushed through him. He didn't want to put them on the thief just yet. Kid had gotten out of cuffs before but, as long as he was holding him, he couldn't get out of physical contact between him and the ground.

"I got you." Hakuba panted, grinning down at his prize. "I knew... it was you."

Kid didn't say anything, face turned sideways so the half without the monocle was in view. Kid was panting just as hard as he was, but Hakuba could care less what the thief said after his words. He was right. It was Kaito.

Taking his free hand, Hakuba removed the top hat the rest of the way. The fall had it so that it was nearly off anyway. Kaito's brown spikes were underneath it and it took Hakuba only a second to realize why he hadn't gotten a shout of denial. Kid was unconscious.

"Hey," Hakuba shook the thief - ah, his classmate - by the shoulders, trying to get him to wake up. "Come on, Kuroba-kun. Wake up."

Kaito blinked his eyes a few times but seemed to fall back to sleep. Hakuba got off of him, sure that he wouldn't escape while he was out cold. Turning him over, there were a few cuts across the side of his face where he'd fallen and a mark just under the chocolate bangs that explained what happened. He'd slammed him down pretty hard, it was no shock it had knocked the other out. He wasn't superman.

Now was the time to call the police. Hakuba had the phone in his hand, ready to call the Inspector. His fingers had pushed the first few buttons before they stopped. He'd never gotten his answer. Kaito still hadn't told him why he was stealing. He looked down at the teenager. Kaito was one of the youngest criminals he had ever caught, and his list ranged into the hundreds. There had to be a better reason behind it than the fact that his father was also a criminal. Kid was too... different, for there not to be some other cause.

"Kuroba-kun, you wake up now and talk to me, or you wake up behind bars and we have this conversation there." Hakuba shook him again, forcing the magician to wake up my sending waves of pain through the bullet wound in his arm. Hakuba wanted a reason for that too. Not many criminals got others angry enough to want to kill them.

"Hm." Kaito tried to pull himself away and Hakuba removed his arm from the wound, wiping off the blood and taking ahold of his other arm with both hands. There was no way he was letting Kaito get away. He had him. He'd won. Game over.

"Kuroba-kun, answer me before the police come. Why do you steal?"

The monocle must have fallen off in the fall because both of Kaito's azure eyes were staring blankly at him, the blood tracing it's way down the magician's face accentuating them.

"What does it matter? I told you I wouldn't ever tell you."

"But I caught you. I deserve to know."

Kaito shook his head, some new form of sadness there, almost bordering on apathy. An expression the magician had never put into play in their game of cat and mouse. "I can't tell you."

"Why not? Because it's my job as a detective to figure it out? Well I've tried. All I can gather is that you've taken over for your father after his death. I have no idea why you or he were playing Kid."

"Playing?" Kaito raised and eyebrow, wincing when it irritated the cut on his head. "Hakuba-kun, this isn't a game. I'm not _playing_ anything."

"But you-"

"Made you think I thought of it as a game, didn't I? Run around a little, make people chase me. You think I did it all for fun, just to see how far I could get, didn't you?"

"But you, you did. You're the biggest risk taker I've ever seen!"

"Yes, but I've never been risking my freedom. I've always taken into consideration every trap that Nakamori-ojisan or any other of his competitors could come up with. You surprised me. It wasn't jail time that I was risking."

"What are you talking about?"

"You'll see. I thought they'd be here tonight, but I wasn't sure. I wasn't after one of their targets, but they know they hit me last time." Kaito tilted his head upward, searching for something. "I might get lucky. I might have a day or so before they come after me if they're not here."

"Who's they? Kuroba-kun, what am I missing?"

"I can't tell you. If I wasn't going to let you fall of a cliff, I'm not going to push you into a broiler." Kaito laughed, closing his eyes with the finality of his words. "There's nothing more I can do."

Kaito looked so utterly defeated that Hakuba found himself shaking with anger and resentment at being left out of the bigger picture that Kaito was hinting at. "So that's it? I turn you over to the police and you never tell me what's going on?"

"If you want. The choice, clearly, is not in my hands."

Hakuba closed his eyes, clenching his fist into Kaito's sleeve, certain he was hurting him. "So you are the self-righteous bastard that I was taking you for from the beginning. You've been saying all this just so that you wouldn't be thrown into prison. It won't work. Kid's just some clown for you to work out some extra energy and make a laughing stock out of the police force with."

"That's enough!" Kaito yelled at him. It was the first act that spoke of his personality and not the withdrawn person that he had become. "You know it's not like that!"

"Do I?" Hakuba glared at him. "You've done one thing -_ one thing_! - to show me that you're not as heartless as you portray yourself to be. Well that's not good enough! One good act does not make a man a hero, doesn't justify all the wrongs they've done. Tell me! Explain it to me so that I can understand!"

Kaito deflated, eyes dulling over again. "This will be my last good act then. I won't tell you. Don't go looking to far into it, or you might get hurt."

"I don't care about getting hurt! I want to know the truth!"

"Fine Hakuba-kun, you want to know the truth? For once..." Kaito's hands grasped at the empty air, reaching for something eternally out of his reach. "I wanted something that was mine. Not my father's, not Kid's, not the property of those too rich to afford the comforts of a normal life. Mine." His hands fell to his side, defeated. "But I guess I don't deserve something like that. You, Hakuba-kun, deserve everything, don't you? The perfect son. Perfect detective."

Hakuba could have sworn there were tears in his classmate's eyes, quickly hidden behind something light, while at the same time containing pain that didn't match any he had seen before. "You're life is so perfect that you can't see mine. You want to take it from me. Aoko, my mom, my life. Kid is me. There's no point in denying it in front of you after you've already seen so much. Well, take it." The magician shoved his hands towards him, palms up. "Make yourself feel better and take it."

"You can get away-"

"I won't!" Kaito's stare was almost painful to look at. He was torn but there was no choice in the matter, was there? A criminal was sitting before him, one that he had caught. There was no reason to let him go other than a dark feeling that was now surrounding him. There were dangers that Kaito had alluded to. It felt like they were closing in on them.

"Hakuba-kun?" Kaito asked gently, none of his or Kid's happiness there to fill in the picture of the person he was so used to seeing. "The cartoons never show it, but what do you think happens when the cat catches the mouse?"

"The police aren't like that. Nakamori-keibu might through a tantrum or two that shakes half the world and will most likely make you go deaf, but it won't kill you. Maybe some time in jail will show you that you can't go running around doing whatever you want."

Kaito laughed, letting Hakuba cuff him. "I doubt I'll be there long enough for it to matter."

"You can't escape a jail cell. I'm sure they'll take extra precautions, knowing who you are."

This time the laugh wasn't something small. It seemed almost hysterical and Hakuba couldn't tell if the tears in his eyes were from the spastic energy or if Kaito was really crying. "Just don't make yourself their new mouse while I'm away. That's all I ask."

"I don't think I'll turn criminal overnight to fill the void of not having you there." The comment was clearly sarcastic but Kaito ignored it.

"Promise me you won't."

"I won't what?"

"Put yourself between the claws of the cat. I was ready for it. I was prepared for - this." Kaito closed his eyes. "I don't want to bring anyone down with me. This was Dad's, and this was mine. I don't want it to be yours."

"I told you, you're going to have to explain that to me. I've had months and only ever gotten that far."

Just then a police cruiser on the look-out for Kid came down the street. The overhead lights of the car flashed across them both, making Kaito look spectral as he took on the color of the surrounding area.

"Please." There tears still remained from the Kaito's earlier hysteria. "You need to promise."

"I don't know what I'm promising but, since you haven't slipped out of the cuffs and you're letting me take you in- Fine, I promise."

"Thank you."

That had Hakuba worried. He was leading Kaito over to the car that had stopped when the officer noticed Kid's all to obvious attire and the fact that Hakuba had him. The officer was currently on the radio with the Inspector, neither of them believing what had just happened. The monocle and top hat were retrieved from where they had fallen by the officer's stunned partner. Hakuba opened the door, waiting for Kaito to sit in. He bent over and picked the cape up so it wouldn't get closed in the door, facing the magician.

"What on earth could you be thanking me for?"

"As long as you promised, Aoko will never have to be alone. I know that you like her." Kaito closed his eyes, resting against the seat of the patrol car. "In time, she might like you back. If she hates me, it might make things easier. Try and make her hate me, if you can."

"I- I don't think I can make Aoko-kun do anything. She's a very stubborn girl. She made you come back for me last week, after all."

Kaito smiled, opening his eyes some and staring at the ceiling. "Yeah, you believed me so easily. Truth me told, I'd been watching you since I ran ahead of the group. No matter how fast she was, she never could have caught up to me when I was really behind her. I told you to 'hurry up'. I thought messing with you might wake you a little, but it didn't work. It was a good thing you were so out of it, or you might have noticed me just a few steps behind you."

Hakuba swallowed hard. "Why were you watching me?"

"I knew you hadn't gotten much sleep. I passed out after I got home, but I heard from Aoko that you and her father were out all night looking for me. I had to make sure you were alright."

"No, I'm asking why you thought my safety was so important."

"Because-" Kaito looked at him, tired eyes searching for the right words. "You're different, and I'm different. Different people have to watch our for each other or else who else will?"

"That's it? That's your reason?"

"That's it." Kaito grinned, Kid's outfit making it seem happier than it was. "I'm not that hard to understand. If something is the right thing to do, I'm going to do it, whether or not people want me to."

"And Kid. How were you doing the right thing as Kid?"

"I told you, I can't tell you. Not telling you is also the right thing. Trust me on this one, though I doubt you can at this point. I'm sure I'm nothing but another notch in your belt right now. Have fun, celebrate. Nakamori-ojisan probably won't want to when he sees me, but that shouldn't keep you down."

"Damn it." Hakuba pounded a fist against the open door. "You're making me sound like the bad guy here!"

"Hakuba-kun, this isn't a game. There are no bad guys or good guys, we're all just human. Not many things can be marked as decisively good or decisively bad. Black and white are only colors. If it's intentions that count, I would never name you a bad guy. You're doing what's right, but that doesn't mean that I'm doing what's wrong. You'll learn, someday, and I hope you become a better detective for it."

"Um, Hakuba-kun, I'm going to need you to move."

The officer came up beside Hakuba, shutting the door as Kaito went back to closing his eyes. Hakuba didn't know what to think. There were too many questions and all he wanted to do was open the door and drag Kaito back out to answer them.

The cruiser drove away. There was no room for Hakuba to sit, but the officer had offered to call over another squad car. He had declined. He couldn't face Kaito at that moment, there were too many things confusing him and every word that left the magician's mouth was too sugar-coated. How could Kaito not blame him for throwing him in jail? It wasn't logical. It was as if every word was said to prove that the magician wasn't angry with him. Like he was offering forgiveness for something that Hakuba hadn't even done yet.

True to his and Kaito's expectations, Nakamori wasn't in his office the next day. Officers could call out prisoners whenever they wanted and, according to his underlings, Nakamori had been in an interrogation room with Kaito all night. It was likely he wasn't in because he was either sleeping or having a date with a bottle of whiskey. The newspapers that morning has all spoke of Kid's capture, his identity was being withheld due to his age, though the papers mentioned nothing of that.

Hakuba had to wonder how Aoko was taking it. Kaito would be spending a fare amount of his life in jail, but not all of it. It seemed many of the people he stole from had either been arrested, due to offenses found at the scene when Kid struck, or they weren't pressing any charges. Two of these stood out strongly to Hakuba. One was a queen and the other a girl of a magician troupe. Both of them had not only solidly replied that they would not be pressing chargers, but were willing to stand up as character witnesses in Kaito's defense. Apparently he'd saved several lives in the process of gaining the jewels he'd been after. This was the first Hakuba was hearing of it.

By the middle of the afternoon, Hakuba was sick of sitting around. The Inspector wasn't coming in and he didn't have the courage to face both he and his daughter so soon. That same nagging feeling from that night came over him and he resolved himself. He'd see Kaito. Hakuba was determined to get at least a few answers. Now that the realization that he wasn't getting out had hit him, Kaito might be more talkative.

Hakuba was wrong on the talkative part. He was walked into a small room that was much like the visitors room except for the fact that it was only able to hold one occupant. Kaito sat on the other side of the bullet proof glass with his eyes half closed and in obvious need of some rest.

"Couldn't sleep?" Hakuba asked through the small holes in the glass.

"They just let me out of the hospital ward, I haven't gotten a chance." Kaito rubbed one of his eyes. "But that's okay. I like talking with you better than sleeping."

"At least answer me this then. Why would you rather talk to me, the person who put you here, then get some sleep?"

Kaito looked around as if someone were watching him. "It can't hurt. Nothing can be stopped now. The reason is, Hakuba-kun, I'd rather be awake and talking to a friend instead of sleeping in the little time I have left."

Something constricted around his heart. Kaito wasn't his friend. No. He couldn't be. They were rivals. Ignoring that fact, the words _little time left_ replayed itself over in his mind. "You're not planning on killing yourself because you got caught, are you?"

Kaito laughed, a tired one that sounded like it came from a man home from a long day of work who just made his child smile. "No, nothing of the like. If it looks like I did, I guess you can believe it if it makes you feel better. You should know me better than that though, I don't like the taking of life, even my own."

"So what? Someone's going to kill you?"

"Of course not, Hakuba-kun. There are so many guards around me, they'd have to be a ghost to get past them. Now, lets not talk about all this. How's Aoko?"

"I haven't seen her," Hakuba answered honestly. "Her father's home with her right now."

Kaito chuckled. "Yeah, good idea. Don't mess with that. Tomorrow might be easier. She might need someone tomorrow. I probably gave both of them heart attacks, though I think Aoko knew. I don't know, maybe I've giving her too much credit. Anyway, best to let them be. Friends should always come the day after, so they have time to settle themselves. Aoko would hate it if you saw her with red eyes. I came home from school one time and my mom just got off the phone with her dad. He'd been at the hospital with his wife and Aoko would be home alone, so we both rushed over there. Apparently the school had called her to tell her that her mom died and her father wanted her to come over to my house. She hadn't said anything the whole day and when we found her alone, crying, she actually yelled at us and chased me around the room with a broom. I think that was the first time she did that. She hates when people see her upset."

"While you don't seem to be fazed by anything at all." Hakuba leaned on his arm, staring into the dirty window. Kaito smiled.

"Of course I am. See?" Kaito raised his hand from where it had been resting on his knee. While it had been there, it had been still . The minute that Kaito lifted it up, Hakuba could see how much he was shaking. "I'm so scared right now you wouldn't even believe it."

"You don't look it."

"I've gotten so used to hiding that... I guess this is the result." Kaito chuckled. Everything seemed to amuse him.

"What are you so scared of?"

"Hm." Kaito took a minute to think. "I guess I'd say I'm scared of my own demons."

"You've never done anything _that_ bad."

"That wasn't the context I was using that word in." Kaito lifted both his hands, folding them up on the small desk in front of the window, resting his head on them and closing his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm so tired. I won't fall asleep, so please stay a little longer."

"Why the hell are you apologizing to me?" Hakuba slammed his hands on his side of the desk. Kaito's eyes shot up, frightened. "I'm the last person you should be apologizing to!"

"Don't leave!" Kaito's pleading voice had Hakuba stop after he'd gotten to his feet. He was right. Everything the magician said had him feeling worse about turning him in. There was nothing he could do about it and turning back time wouldn't stop him. But those words were something new. Kaito was asking something of him, and maybe obliging the magician would sooth some of that guilt.

"Fine." Hakuba sat back down. "But I don't know what you expect me to talk about with you when you won't give me any of the answers I want."

"I'll stay awake. And sor- ah... no more laying down. Got it."

"Kuroba-kun, you can rest if you want to. If your in that dire need for company, I can come back later."

"No." Kaito was definitely crying. The magician shook his head, but it didn't stop."Sorry. No. I don't want you to come back later. Hakuba-kun, I'm scared. I hate it. I don't want to be scared."

"Please, tell me what you're so scared of. I've never seen you like this."

"Because this is me." Kaito giggled. Hakuba would have thought he was losing his mind if the magician's eyes weren't so clear, even with the tears pouring out of them. "Its nice. For a little while, I can just be me."

"And the your real self is afraid of doing jail time?"

"You can think that. Maybe it will be easier." Kaito wiped away the tears, coming back to himself.

"You know, you might not spend that much time behind bars. There are several people willing to testify on your behalf that your actions as Kid saved several lives. Because your a minor, you might get even less time. The papers aren't being told you're Kid, so maybe when you get out, you can live a normal life."

"I would like that." Kaito's smile was still bordering on the hysteric depression one from a few seconds earlier. It seemed Hakuba's words weren't doing the good he wanted them to. "If you can, can you thank whoever it is?"

"You can thank them yourself. You will be attending your own trial I hope, not pulling something like Lupin did."

"You read the books?" Kaito laughed, tremors running throughout it in his unstable mood.

"I'm an avid reader and, if you were portraying yourself after the thief, I thought it might give me some information on you. Sadly, it didn't."

"But you liked it, didn't you?"

"It wasn't bad." Hakuba leaned back, strangely more comfortable that the conversation had changed to their literary interests, just as Kaito was. "I found it more intriguing about the cases that surrounded him."

"Really? I guess they were okay. I liked how the girl he was fond of didn't give him up after the police had caught him."

"Why? Always hoped Aoko would do the same for you?"

"Yeah, I guess I did, but not for those reasons." Kaito was steadily growing more calm. "I just wanted her to know it was me. I don't know why, it was silly really. That would have only scared her but, keeping yourself from the world, sometimes its hard. Guess I don't have to do that anymore. That's what I was saying earlier. It's very freeing to be myself."

"Yes, well, I think I prefer you without the tears."

"Heh. Sorry about th- ah- I mean. Ah. I guess if our positions were switched, I wouldn't want to see you crying either. I wouldn't know what to do."

"As much as you'd like me to stay..." Hakuba turned when the guard entered the door. "I think they will force me to leave if we don't follow protocol. It was a miracle they let me in here at all."

Kaito's hand shook as he reached towards the glass, brushing it with his fingertips. "Goodbye, Hakuba-kun. Take care of Aoko."

On the other side another guard was taking Kaito away. Hakuba briefly fought against the officer and went back to the window. "This isn't goodbye. I'll come back and see you."

"But I won't see you." Kaito was crying again, though Hakuba had only caught a glance of the tears before the door was closed and Kaito was taken to another part of the prison. What on earth could that mean? What had they been talking about? Hakuba was sure that there were bits and pieces of the conversation that he'd wanted to hold onto, to ask about later, but all he could remember Kaito saying was that it was easier if he thought it looked like he had killed himself. There was something wrong. Something really wrong.

Hakuba let the guard take him out, desperate to get out of the building. Forgetting about Aoko for a moment, Hakuba needed to speak with the Inspector. There was something going on, and he needed to stop it before it was too late.

A cab ride and some pounding at the Inspector's door later and he was face to face with the man. Nakamori-keibu, in all honesty, looked terrible. His eyes were red and it was clear he hadn't gotten any sleep that night. The way his clothes smelled of alcohol confirmed the suspicion his men had about him being out drinking.

"Nakamori-keibu, there's something wrong. I have reason to believe that Kuroba-kun is in danger. If we can, is there anyway we can move him to another prison?"

Nakamori shook his head. "He's not in any danger. I made sure myself that there was nothing on him after we booked him. He's in a high security prison in a secluded cell until we can find somewhere better to put him. Can't have him locked up in there with no violent history after all."

"You sure? He's safe?"

"As safe as anyone can be." Nakamori's eyes cleared for a moment. "Why? He say something to you? What have you heard?"

"Nothing." Hakuba sighed. "He won't tell me anything. All I know is that he's scared of something."

"Really? Didn't say anything about that too me."

Hakuba lowered his head, a meek expression on his face. "Honestly? I have to bet they all you were doing was yelling at him. It seemed like Kuroba-kun just needed someone to talk to when I was there."

"Then lets give him someone to talk to." Nakamori shoved on his coat. "If you were getting him to talk, then I'll make sure they let us back in. The boy wouldn't say a word when I was there. The only thing he did say, and constantly I might add, was to make sure that I didn't go chasing around after dangerous criminals now that Kid was off the street. Really pissed me off, I'll tell you. The boy's behind bars and all he can do it worry about other people."

Hakuba remembered a similar warning and a promise he made. "These enemies, the one's who have been going after Kid. Do you think they can get to him? The news papers have been saying he's been caught all day."

Nakamori and Hakuba shared the same look of surprise and fear. Neither had even taken into consideration the strength of the third party that had been around Kid's heist for a while now. Hakuba was rushing to the Inspector's car before Nakamori could say anything, shouting into the house that he'd be back soon. Hakuba had to wonder if leaving Aoko alone was the right thing to do, but he was in too much of a rush to wait for her. The Inspector seemed to be just as anxious and floored it down the streets fast enough to scare them and any other drivers and pedestrians out on the road.

They made it back to the prison in less than fifteen minutes, seeing several officers crowded around the main lobby.

"Move." Nakamori pushed through them, making a path to the desk. "You know who I am. I just left this morning! I-"

"Yes sir, I know who you are. I'm sorry for what's happened, but as I've said to everyone else here, we don't know how anyone could have gotten past us."

Hakuba felt any hope he had die away and burn into him until it became a physical pain. He had just been here. Kaito was just talking with him. He'd wanted him to stayed. He knew.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Hakuba managed to keep the tears out of his eyes for the sake of being taken seriously. "We were close to him before this too."

"You need to talk to my superior." The woman opened a door that Hakuba had never been through. "Go down this hallway until you reach the end, then go left. I'll tell them to buzz you in."

"Thank you." Hakuba pushed past her, Nakamori quickly overtaking him.

"What happened? Why didn't he say anything? If I knew that these bastards that were after Kid could get him while he was in here I- I would have done something!"

"Unless there was nothing to be done." Hakuba shook his head. Forget holding it in, he knew there were tears on his face. He'd never caused someone's death before. "The way Kuroba-kun was talking about these people sounded like they were powerful. They got into a locked cell block, undetected. I don't think it would have done any good. I should have let him go."

The apologies that night when Hakuba had caught him, they were for now. Kaito didn't want him to blame himself for his death. Fat chance that was going to happen. If the magician had just told him that... he had. Kaito had told him exactly what was going to happen.

_What do you think happens after the cat catches the mouse?_

Hakuba waited impatiently for the door to unlocked. In seconds they were at a security desk with several doors, white, all lined on on either side.

"Nakamori-keibu, I presume." A large man with short, black cut hair stood up. "I'm sorry. I have no idea what could have happened. I was at my station the entire time and our monitors came up blank. Every half hour we have a guard check the cells. I don't know how it happened."

"Where is he?" Nakamori beat him to it, but Hakuba didn't care as long as he got an answer.

"The third to last cell on the left. We haven't touched anything."

That last statement left Hakuba curious but he let it go. He and the Inspector practically ran down the hallway to get there, seeing the one door that was partially opened.

Hakuba stepped back, unable and unwilling to open the door. Nakamori moved passed him, timidly pushing it aside to reveal the room.

Several things caught Hakuba's detective senses. There were smears of blood on the wall here and there. Some were splattered and some were wiped, indicating that there had been some sort of struggle. There was nothing in the room except a bed and a toilet. Kaito was half propped up on the bed with his head leaning on his chest. Hakuba's attention moved from the walls, all of which seemed to be stained, to the teen.

"I was just here." Hakuba repeated aloud. His throat promptly closed up on him as he moved in to take a better look. Kaito was bleeding a lot from his head. Hakuba lifted his chin, feeling it move easily. It hadn't been long after he left that this had happened. By the looks of things, whoever it was had fun torturing Kaito until his body gave out. There were several deep marks across his face and one of his eyes was red with blood. Hakuba moved his hand away and quickly backed up, covering his mouth to keep himself from making any noise. What had he done?

Nakamori took his place next to Kaito, seeing the same marks and trauma in Kaito's half-closed eyes, before opening his shirt. Hakuba didn't have to touched Kaito's skin to know that he had several broken ribs, the dark wounds stretching down the length of his body.

"Someone beat him to death." Nakamori's tone was cold. Hakuba couldn't blame him. He couldn't even speak. "All of this and _no one noticed?_ I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

"Don't." It was the one word Hakuba could find strength to speak. If this was his fault, he was at least going to follow Kaito's last wishes. He was going to make sure Aoko was okay and he was going to keep himself the hell away from these people. "He said don't."

"I don't care what he said! He's dead! He can't argue with me!"

Hakuba shook his head, leaving the room. He'd keep his end of the promise. Tomorrow. Kaito had even said it. Aoko needed time to get over this. Hakuba... he needed time. A day wasn't nearly enough, but at least tomorrow couldn't be any worse.

But tomorrow did not see him in Japan. He went back to England that night, hoping to forget the actions that he'd help set in motion. Maybe these people would have gotten to Kaito anyway, in time. They were determined enough beforehand, bringing guns around the police. That conviction didn't help much. Then again, even when he was thinking it, he didn't assume it would help.

England was better. England was safe. He stopped his detective work and went headfirst into schooling. High school soon wasn't good enough for him and he started taking some college classes. Mindless TV and video games helped fill the rest of his time, as long as they were able to hold his interest.

**...**

Hakuba threw the controller against the television, watching the sparks fly for a moment before it went black. There was no _try again_. Life wasn't that nice and making children think that it was, was cruel. Once you die, there is no coming back. There are no good and bad guys, there are only right decisions and wrong decisions. Hakuba had made the wrong one. He'd gotten exactly what he'd always wanted, his answers - But at what cost?


End file.
